Dear friend,
You don’t understand. I know you don’t.
You wish you were pretty, you wish you were brave.
You think, “how did you come to this?” After all, you dream yourself a thousand times around the world, but cannot get out of this place. There’s an emptiness inside you and you’d do anything to fill it in.
You feel like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life. You would change everything about you using colors bold and bright.
But changing everything? Unattainable. Why would you change everything anyway?
Still, I know you’ve felt lonely times when you could not find a friend.
At night, you find it kind of funny; you find it kind of sad. The dreams in which you’re dying are, sometimes, the best you’ve ever had.
The morning comes. The day brings together the mixing of colors. But it breaks your heart when all the colors mix together to grey. Will that ever change?
Trying to understand, you sing along: It seemed to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind. Never knowing who to cling to when the rain set in. I would have liked to know you, but I was just a kid. Your candle burned out long before, your legend ever did.
You think about his song. It plays over and over in your mind. Though you see yourself a ‘nobody’ in comparison to his muse, something makes you think. It isn’t how you want to go. You don’t want to be snuffed out. Maybe there is still time to be a – somebody.
You are sitting outside. It’s the smell that stops your thoughts. It may be the last whiff of fresh cut grass this year. The days are getting shorter. The nights colder. The grass will no longer need cutting.
You feel an urge to give yourself a chance, an opportunity. To see another summer.
You fold your legs under your heavy body and push up toward the sky. It is not over.
You think about now. You’ve got the sun up there to clear away the clouds. So, why look back when there’s a stunning, blazing, so amazing…now?
You are potential. You are loved.
Signed,
Your friend,
who cares.
*Thank you to Sara Bareilles, Dave Matthews, James Taylor, Gary Jules, Elton John, and SheDaisy for helping me put her words to lyrics.
looking without striving 